This is something i wrote for the JVI news letter "In the Field" I thought i'd share it with you!
In high school I used to complain about living in such a small, boring town. I have no idea what the size of my home town is but as one of the 221 kids to graduate in 2004 from Islip High School, it was small enough for me to know every name, face and probably the location of each of my classmates homes. To me it was stifling. My remedy; move to a city of 8 million people and become anonymous. Little did I know New York City would fit me worse than a wool sweater shrunk to Barbie size in the awful college dryer.
Fast forward 4 years and where do I find myself? Belize, a country with about 300,000 people, that would be about 1/26 the size of New York City and not much larger than my hometown (yes I realize now that my home town really wasn’t that small). Not only am I in one of the least populated countries in the world, or at least in the region, but I am in the least populated/ forgotten district of Toledo.
Punta Gorda or PG, as it is more affectionate known, is the booming metropolis of the Toledo District with 5,000 people, 3 main roads (2 paved) 2 grocery stores, about 20 chiney shops (no i haven't become a racist; chiney is what they call anyone of Asian descent who owns a convenience story in the country of Belize), 3 schools, probably 8 bars, 1 high school and one very centrally located JV house. So, here I am back to small town living, only this time it’s for REAL. I’ve realized in the past 6 months why I love small town living; being able to greet every other person on the street because I personally know them, having the post man, market lady, local drunk, and government official know me by name, riding my daily route to work and seeing the same people day in and day out, comfort, ease, connection, familiarity.
The past 6 months have also reminded me why I hate small town living: every move I make is known by everyone and their mother, RUMORS (Belizean's have this skill down to an impressive art) a general lack of much to do, having the post man, town drunk, government official and market lady know my name without me ever having to actually telling them, seeing students in school on Friday day and then seeing them at a local bar on Friday night, GOSSIP.
Yet as I move into my sixth month living in the small town on the sea, my days of pounding the pavement of 5th Ave or riding the D train in solitude for two hours a day are no more than a distant memory, a past life. I’ve realized that I much prefer my morning ride to work, on my bike, even with its taunts from the men of Hollywood about my dreads, to the solitude of the D train. I prefer my running route along the Caribbean Sea with its greeting from the two ladies who walk at the same time everyday, to the crowded gym of my University where not a soul makes eye contact. I much prefer my breakfast date with the sunrise and passing Maya ladies who try to sell me the same basket everyday, to my previous breakfast ritual of micro waved oats with Matt Lauer and Katie Couric. And while EVERYONE may know my business, daily routine and whereabouts I still prefer that to the anonymity and loneliness New York City.
I feel comfortable with my new home, it suits me and I think comforts me. I feel like I fit its rhythm, even though sometimes I’m tempted to walk in my NY pace, or crave anonymity, or think in NY speed, my little corner or the world here in Belize reminds me no women is an island. It is my community which fuels me, the people who show me love, the connection that drives me and the small town world which I crave. My past six months have taught me a lot, most of which I can’t articulate but this much I know, I am now proud to call myself a recovered small town hater.
Friday, May 22, 2009
TCC Graduation
The culmination of High School at TCC works something like this. On one day at the end of May, after all their final exams and most of their Caribbean Examinations, all of the Seniors, or Fourth Formers, anxiously await the posting of "the List." The list includes all the names of those students who will be graduating. I have never experienced soo much anticipation and so much worry regarding a list. Since the beginning of the week students have been questioning and wondering if i know of the list, if i can find out how to see it, if i can look for their name, if i know how many failed, if i know how many passed. Soo many questions, so many worries. And of course i was not allowed to tell them anything at all about the contents of wan said list. (wow the kriole is really coming out on this entry). I heard so many sob stories, so many pleas, at one point i thought a girl was going to cry she wanted to know so badly. This is to topper. This morning as i groggily walked down my front stairs to get some bananas and oranges at the market, mind you this was at 6:45 in the morning, some of my students were passing my house and asked if i knew about the list. WHAT!!! i had literally woken up 10 minuets before, i hadn't even changed out of my pajamas and they were asking about "the list"!!
We'll today at aprox. 11:30 the list went up, and let me tell you it was amazing!! Only 8 out of the 200ish students didn't graduate and so there was a lot to celebrate and a lot of people to celebrate with. Forth Form students were hovering all morning and as the principal came out of his office they all bum rushed the bulletin board to see if their names was on the coveted list. If it was there were screams and tears of joy, if not it was mostly just some tears. After the initial celebratory cheers everyone begins to sign their name upon their fellow graduates, some mark up each others uniform while others come prepared with a white tee shirt. After weeks of worry and anticipation they finally know they have the answers they've been looking for.
So many experiences I've had this year have brought me back to High School. But none as strong as this one. While I'm not too sure how i feel about publicly posting the graduation list for all to see, because those students who do not make it are publicly embarrassed. Seeing the faces of those who did was amazing. The sheer joy, happiness, relief, and in some cases surprise was actually heart warming. It's something i often times wished i had in High School; a culmination of all the work i had done, one defining moment, where i could scream and say YES! the last full day of school wasn't really anything because you still have review, the last class wasn't really the end because you still had exams, even the last final exam was anti climactic because you were usually alone as you left the test. I guess the one thing i could relate it to is the tossing of the hats at graduation, that last fleeting moment as the Class of "whatever" with the people you grew up with.
Well enough with reminiscing. For me i think this also signifies a moment of importance, as students asked me to sign their shirts and told me thanks and gave me hugs i realized that i was a part of their final year at TCC. Students who i hadn't really had that much face time with came up to me with huge smiles and markers asking me to sign their shirts. It was one of the first moment at TCC that i actually felt like i belonged, connected, like i maybe had some impact or affect on their lives. It was a good feeling. one I wasn't expecting. One i can hopefully carry with me to next year.
Congrats to all graduates all over the world!
We'll today at aprox. 11:30 the list went up, and let me tell you it was amazing!! Only 8 out of the 200ish students didn't graduate and so there was a lot to celebrate and a lot of people to celebrate with. Forth Form students were hovering all morning and as the principal came out of his office they all bum rushed the bulletin board to see if their names was on the coveted list. If it was there were screams and tears of joy, if not it was mostly just some tears. After the initial celebratory cheers everyone begins to sign their name upon their fellow graduates, some mark up each others uniform while others come prepared with a white tee shirt. After weeks of worry and anticipation they finally know they have the answers they've been looking for.
So many experiences I've had this year have brought me back to High School. But none as strong as this one. While I'm not too sure how i feel about publicly posting the graduation list for all to see, because those students who do not make it are publicly embarrassed. Seeing the faces of those who did was amazing. The sheer joy, happiness, relief, and in some cases surprise was actually heart warming. It's something i often times wished i had in High School; a culmination of all the work i had done, one defining moment, where i could scream and say YES! the last full day of school wasn't really anything because you still have review, the last class wasn't really the end because you still had exams, even the last final exam was anti climactic because you were usually alone as you left the test. I guess the one thing i could relate it to is the tossing of the hats at graduation, that last fleeting moment as the Class of "whatever" with the people you grew up with.
Well enough with reminiscing. For me i think this also signifies a moment of importance, as students asked me to sign their shirts and told me thanks and gave me hugs i realized that i was a part of their final year at TCC. Students who i hadn't really had that much face time with came up to me with huge smiles and markers asking me to sign their shirts. It was one of the first moment at TCC that i actually felt like i belonged, connected, like i maybe had some impact or affect on their lives. It was a good feeling. one I wasn't expecting. One i can hopefully carry with me to next year.
Congrats to all graduates all over the world!
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